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Funny marriage advice for newlyweds


Embarking on the journey of marriage is like stepping onto a roller coaster with no safety harness – exhilarating, unpredictable, and occasionally, stomach-churning. It’s a thrilling ride that promises laughter, love, and a fair share of surprises along the way. As newlyweds, you’re about to embark on this incredible adventure together, and while the road ahead may be filled with joy, it’s always a little bumpy.

But don’t worry! Every marriage has its quirks and quips, and sometimes the best way to navigate the twists and turns is with a hearty dose of humor. In this collection of “Top 25 Funny Marriage Advice for Newlyweds,” we’ve gathered some lighthearted nuggets of wisdom that will not only tickle your funny bone but also remind you that laughter is the glue that can keep your partnership strong.

So, fasten your seatbelts, hold hands, and get ready to enjoy the humorous side of wedded bliss. These pieces of advice are here to bring smiles to your faces as you embark on this incredible journey together. Remember, marriage is an adventure, and with the right attitude and a good sense of humor, you can tackle any challenge that comes your way and create a lifetime of beautiful memories.

  1. “Remember, marriage is like a deck of cards. At the start, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade!”
  2. “Never go to bed angry, unless one of you ate the last piece of pizza. In that case, sleep with one eye open!”
  3. “Marriage is all about compromise. You decide where to eat, and your spouse decides whether you’re happy about it.”
  4. “Don’t sweat the small stuff… just let your spouse do it!”
  5. “The key to a happy marriage? Separate bathrooms.”
  6. “Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right, and the other person is the husband.”
  7. “Don’t take advice from anyone who’s been married for less than five years, or more than fifty.”
  8. “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
  9. “Marriage is like a roller coaster: it has its ups and downs, but if you scream together, it can be a lot of fun.”
  10. “In marriage, the three little words you should never forget are ‘I’ll do dishes.'”
  11. “Marriage advice: If your spouse tells you to ‘calm down,’ remember that ‘calm’ is spelled C-A-L-M, not G-O-I-N-G-T-O-K-I-L-L-Y-O-U.”
  12. “Marriage is all about compromise. For example, I choose the movie, and my spouse chooses the restaurant.”
  13. “Don’t worry about wrinkles; they’re just love lines from all the laughter.”
  14. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person… unless they eat your chocolate. Then all bets are off!”
  15. “Never laugh at your spouse’s choices; you’re one of them.”
  16. “Marriage is about finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
  17. “If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.”
  18. “The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.”
  19. “Always kiss goodnight, even if you just had an argument. You never know if it’s the last chance for a while.”
  20. “Don’t worry if your spouse talks to themselves; it’s when they start answering that you need to pay attention.”
  21. “Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”
  22. “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade!”
  23. “Why do married people live longer? Because they can’t argue with their spouse if they’re dead!”
  24. “Remember, in marriage, you’re not just saying ‘I do’ to the person; you’re saying ‘I do’ to their family, their habits, and their TV shows.”
  25. “Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops. And sometimes, they switch roles!”

Remember, marriage is a beautiful journey filled with laughter and love. These funny tidbits of advice are meant to bring a smile to your faces as you embark on this adventure together. Enjoy every moment!

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